The Storm before the Storm

Remember how my life was totally out of control last week?

I mean, besides the crazy pregnancy horomones:

I found bugs in my bed multiple times! #eek #worstthingever

My A/C wasn't working

Our car broke down #stuckathome

A trail of ants found Eli's food stash under his high chair #maybeishouldmop??

No one on craigslist would return my phonecall

All the good deals at dealerships were taken a few hours before we called

i was stuck at home with no way of shopping or playing with friends

Seriously. I was kinda going crazy last week

I don't even remember what happened. 

Yesterday at church, I got the oh-so-common-8-month-pregnant-question: "How are you feeling?"

Seriously, like a month ago, no one asked me that. But even men that I never talk to stop and ask me. I must have a big sign on me that says: I am super pregnant and need to be asked how I am feeling, not doing...but feeling. 

#ormaybesomeonesentoutanemail

Anyway, normally when I answer that question I say "Good." but in my mind I am thinking "if you only knew that my hips hurt so bad I want to go into a coma until the baby comes, I can't sleep, my legs cramp anytime I even think about moving, my depression is a rollercoaster, and my son's favorite activity is to either body slam my belly or run away from me in parking lots....How am I feeling? Like I wish I had this baby a few months ago. Thanks for asking."

But this week I didn't even think that because I guess I was so busy looking up cars online {for-like-ever} that I forgot that I am annoyed of being pregnant still

Here is the good news. 

Monday:

 Car broke down

Tuesday:

 AC in our apartment was finally fixed

we sold our car 

(which we deemed to be totalled...seriously, it was a mess and not worth more that $200 to fix...we actually made quite a profit haha. You can read about our ghetto car here)

Wed: 

look at craigslist all day

look up every car i find on kellybluebook to find out its actual value

look up reviews on certain types of cars

look up if the car will fit two car seats and big pregnant lady and a tall husband

call and email a million people

Thursday:

continue crazy looking and calling

have only one person return your phone call

ok, one more person returned the call. we set up an appt for early the next morning

friday:

wake up super early to go test drive a car, and realize too late that he had texted to cancel it because he was going camping

(seriously, does anyone actually want to sell their car on craigslist?? if so, answer your phone and let us test drive it!)

cranky mom for getting too little of sleep

test drive another car that is too small for us

continue looking online

call and go to multiple car dealerships for cars that we want and the cars were sold before we could get there #badluck

Saturday:

wake up and find good deals

(more kelly blue book and reviews...we are pro at this now)

make an appt, get down there. 

test drive a car/get it checked at a mechanic

make an offer on it 15 mins before the next person comes in to look at it

(seriously, this car was a good deal. he had 3 other people scheduled to test drive it that day and more people called while we were signing the paperwork!!)

so we bought this car:

2003 Honda Accord with 83,000 miles on it

It drives amazing and feels really new! We are so excited

*********************

Wow.

I seriously don't want to think about cars anymore

but I am now sucked into it, and I look at the make and model of all the cars we pass and think about how it was rated online or what the kbb would be.

*****************

So today. I actually went to the store

since I now have a car to drive :)

and we bought tons of stuff because we were soooo out of food and stuff from me dedicating my life to finding a car before this baby came.

#sidenote

yes, we were in a hurry to buy a car. I mean, anyone that told me that I should just calm down and take my time, and wait a few weeks...NO WAY! Seriously, everything that went on last week should not happen once you have a newborn. It was life consuming. Plus getting emissions and registering your car here also takes forever....so i knew we had to buy a car before the baby came. So we are very grateful that despite no one answering our calls and many deals being taken before we got there, that we still found a good car that we are super happy with :)

************

so after my 2 hour target waddling trip

seriously, it took way too long for me to get to each corner of target today. I am surprised no one asked if i wanted one of those electric carts.

anyway, so after my 2 hour trip and bringing it in from the car...I am going to waddle to my bed and wait for eli to wake up

#happyresting!!!

Something is out to get me!!!!

So, I don't believe in fate or omens or karma.

I also think one shouldn't complain all the time

--key word, *think*...i might still complain, but i dont think i should--

but

there is something out to get me! Seriously!

So, when I was pregnant with Eli, I was sick almost the whole time. Guess what made my sickness worse? 

being hot!

guess who lived in provo in one of the hottest summers on record  while pregnant?

me!

guess what didnt work in my apt or car?

my AC!!

Seriously!

We had to have a window unit installed in our apartment for me to even survive!

I didn't go outside unless i had to between 8 am and 6 pm

when I did, and i had to drive my car I wanted to die. The AC would randomly stop working. Like all the time. I even shared the car with my brother-in-law that summer and he said it always worked for him

see...something is out to get me!

THEN!

the next summer, same car, not pregnant, the AC worked all summer in both my car and apartment.

THEN!

this summer, pregnant....AC not working in my car or apartment again!

seriously!!!!!!

like, i had to trade cars with nate and make him drive our ghetto car 20 miles to work, when that car's limit is like 21 miles, only because i couldn't stand the heat (plus poor eli was always so sweaty, especially since the back windows had to be screwed shut!)

and we have run the AC straight for the past few days and its still a constant 75 degrees! it might have cooled down to 72 or 73 last night, but probably not, I just sleep with a fan on me all the time now.

#proof

#dontworry   I am haunting maintenance until they fix it, since they've been over twice in the past month and not done so.

#lovehaterelationshipwithmaintenance

So, this morning Eli and I went to the gym...they must not have the AC working in there either because by the end of my workout i was dripping sweat everywhere. Which is not a normal 8 month pregnant lady type of workout for me. (These days I go to the gym just to make me feel better :) i guess, haha)

#8monthbelly #yesiwearsliponshoestothegym #icantreachmytoesthesedays

So, i am basically going to sit here at my apartment dying of heat until this baby comes. Then maybe maintenance will come fix my AC around the time the baby is here.
#praythey'llcomesooner!!!

Nate said it must just be something that I have to go through during pregnancy since the intense heat only comes on and the AC stops working only while I'm prego

haha

well, to make all of you feel better about my situation

this is the beautiful view we get when we cross the street to look at the "horsie" and "cow" everyday

colorado really is beautiful! and the mountains...well, you can't see them in this picture, but they are breathtaking! so panoramic!

have a good day!

and make sure to enjoy your AC for me!!!!

************************

update

this is the next day.
I didn't post the above post because.....our car broke down :(

yep, it finally went on us. Luckily nate was the one driving it, and I wasnt stuck in the heat and then the rain and then in the sweaty passenger seat of the tow truck.

so besides that, the other worse news is that...
things are getting hot in here!
look!

78 degrees!!!!! in my house!!!!!!!

like, "don't touch me! don't look at me! don't even think hot thoughts!" 

The AC has been on non-stop for 3 days, and the temp is only rising.

And now after meddling with the gage, I messed it up and it won't change its "target" temperature, and i turned and yelled...well, loudly said "oh no!!!! we are going to die!" and Eli started crying. 

So after consoling him and telling him we were not going to die

this happened

This is Eli crying because he wants me to turn the fan off. He stands in front of it and cries and doesn't move but just points and says "off--off".   

Its cute and sad at the same time.

So, what are we doing to stay cool?

well, all my blinds are shut

the lights are off

the fan is staying on (sorry Eli)

and I am not doing laundry

even though i should, because my favorite,...ok, only prego yoga pants are dirty

So, I am in some old BYU-I shorts and a shirt that gives my lower belly a draft (at least that part of me is cool...haha, no visitors please.)

We have no where to escape to because i don't have a car

So, if you know of anyone who goes around sabotaging pregnant women, can you please call the cops on them??? this isn't very fun 

hopefully tomorrow there will be better news!

Fighting Depression Naturally

Life is wonderful.

Life is also very hard.

We all go through good and bad days.

Its hardest when the bad days are more frequent than the good days. 

Or good days seem to never come.

This is how it feels with depression.

I have never been one to admit things such as this throughout my life, because I always wanted to seem "perfect" and like things were going really well, like I had life figured out. I thought {don't judge} that only weak people had depression. That if they just tried a little harder to be happy, then they wouldn't be depressed. or that it was brought on by some sin. 

One day, my whole perspective changed. Elder Holland gave this talk in General Conference for the LDS church about depression and expressed how real it is. How normal happy, righteous people can get depressed and it doesnt mean they are sinful or bad people. It happens to the best of us.

My whole perspective changed. Its funny to think back to that time, because I was depressed at that point, but didn't know it. haha, good thing nate and I talked about it and came to the conclusion that depression is not a scary or sinful thing, that it is something to be faced. It is something to acknowledge and deal with. 

When I had my sweet baby, I remember everyone asking me how I was feeling. It was like..."um...good?" Postpartum depression (PPD) is something so weird, and as a new mom I was just waiting to see if it would hit me or not. I remember telling people "well, I feel way better than when I was pregnant." That's when I realized I had been depressed my whole pregnancy. It wasn't just that I was at home sick all the time that made me feel so lowsy, it was a real chemical (or might I say hormonal) thing, it was not just in my mind. 

So since I felt so good not being pregnant, how could I possibly have PPD?  Once again, not until I was out of it did I realize that I had PPD. It took a lot of extreme anxiety and insomnia to get me through his first 5-6 months of his life. I just thought mommy life was hard and overwhelming, but I know now that once again, I had a chemical (or hormonal) change that caused a type of depression. This one was much more difficult to realize since my symptoms didn't come in the same way as most people describe "depression." So, judge or don't judge, but I had it, and never want to go through that again. 

Those experiences were hard. I don't wish to relive them. Its hard to tell them, but I know that someone else out there is going to learn from my experience, and maybe, just maybe, be able to help themselves more than I did, and avoid going through that pain by what I am saying today.

That is why I talk about it so openly.

That is why I am writing.

Ok, so what are we to do? 

Just sit around and say, if I am pregnant or have PPD I am bound to be depressed? 

If I have seasonal depression (SAD), when its snowing, I will just sit around and be sad? 

Mom life is hard, and I am going to eat my way through it since I don't have family around or good friends.

NO! 

{important note}

Also, not just "clinically depressed" people can benefit from this. i feel like just by being a stay at home mom and not having a lot of adult interaction can cause sadness that these things can alleviate!

There are so many natural ways to fight depression/sadness/loneliness!

One super hard thing about depression or deep sadness is that its like a downward cyclone. 

You feel depressed

so you don't feel motivated to do things that will help you

so you feel more depressed 

you do more things that are bad for you (cookie dough anyone?) 

and dont do things that help you 

and this causes you to be more depressed.

So, if you are reading this, and know you need help. You have to start trying things. You have to make a plan with someone who can support and keep you motivated. It will start an upward motion to your feelings and that will help you reverse the bad cyclone of depression! Before I got pregnant again, I made a plan with my husband. And through the past 8 months, its been hard exercising daily, reading my scriptures, getting to social activities, just going outside daily...BUT the plan has helped sooooo much!!!

*******************

So....here are some things i've found that have changed everything

Once upon a time about 2 years ago, I heard a leader describe 5 things you must do to stay out of the hole of depression, and I am soooo  glad that I remembered them! They've saved my bacon so many times!

1)get out of bed/make your bed=committing you are not going back to bed

2)read your scriptures (even if you have to have scriptures by your toilet and read one verse, do it!)

3) open your blinds

4) get outside once a day at least

5)laugh at least once a day

I would add:

6) exercise (natures natural "high")

7) eat healthy (sugar and white flour only make things worse)

8) Try to talk with someone else once a day face to face (besides your spouse)...find a friend you can stop by/call when you need social interaction

9) serve

Ok, so these might sound easy. And sound kinda pathetic. I mean, only laugh once a day or go outside for a few minutes??? Let me tell you. I struggled so hard my first pregnancy to do all of these every day. I can't logically explain why i couldnt open my blinds, but it just didn't happen. And getting outside for 5 mins a day was such a struggle. 

So, this is real!

Anyway. 

Some people really do need medications. And thats ok. 

I am here to say that we should be trying all we can to alleviate it naturally first, or during.

If I find out anyone is depressed, first! first! first! thing I would say is to exercise 30 mins a day. Get your heart rate up! It is the natural "anti depressant" Heavently Father has given us. I can't tell you how many studies show that exercise works just as well or better than a lot of depression medicine! Plus, it makes you look better too!

*****************

here are some other things I have found very helpful:

Vitamin D!

Some people just don't absorb it like others do, and so you either need more time in the sun or take supplements.

Taking doTERRA vitamins changed everything for me!!!! Like tremendous, miraculous change!

You can find out more about those here: http://www.mydoterra.com/jessicamarchant/#/

or email me at jessica.hawkes21@gmail.com for any questions

There are also a lot of doTERRA oils that really help. My daily go-to to help with my mood/energy/motivation is a doTERRA blend called Citrus Bliss!

postpartum help:

Postpartum Progress is a wonderful website with many many tools!

You can also do Placenta Encapsulation, sounds strange but it helps so many people!

hire a nanny to come a few hours a day to help with children or house chores

************

here are some other things that I have found to help.

Finding spiritual quotes and posting them around the house will bring the motivation and "pick me up" that you need ;)

Here are a few:

"Happiness does not spring from perfection but from applying divine principles, even in small steps."

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2012 General Conference

****************

ok, here is an awesome one. This is an article found on the church website, but the research sited in here is all done by non-religious researchers. 

Here is the article. I recommend everyone  reading it. It is just so amazing! After reading it, I applied a lot of the principles like adding music back into my life and "trying to be happy." It made a big difference!

And the following is the list of things they say that research has found to make some people happier than others:

1.       Happy people surround themselves with other happy people. Joy is contagious. People are four times more likely to be happy in the future with happy people around them.

2.       Happy people try to be happy. When happy people don’t feel happy, they cultivate a happy thought and smile about it.

3.       Happy people spend money more on others than they spend on themselves. Givers experience what scientists call the “helper’s high.”

4.       Happy people have deep in-person conversations. Sitting down to talk about what makes a person tick is a good practice for feeling good about life.

5.       Happy people use laughter as a medicine. A good old-fashioned chuckle releases lots of good neurotransmitters. A study showed that children on average laugh 300 times a day versus adults who laugh 15 times a day.

6.       Happy people use the power of music. Researchers found that music can match the anxiety-reducing effects of massage therapy.

7.       Happy people exercise and eat a healthful diet. Eating a poor diet can contribute to depression.

8.       Happy people take the time to unplug and go outside. Uninterrupted screen time brings on depression and anxiety.

9.       Happy people get enough sleep. When people run low on sleep, they are prone to feel a lack of clarity, bad moods, and poor judgment.

10.   Happy people are spiritual.

I hope you feel better! I hope that you can understand others who are struggling better!

I hope that the sun comes out daily in your life, but if it doesn't that these things can help make at least some stars come out!

We are all in this together. 

Struggling is not a sign of weakness or sin. 

But giving up is not an option!

#herestobetterdaysahead

When the couch is better than the bed....

here's going to be a #herestobeingreal and #realmomlife post :)

I have a love hate relationship with these posts. I love posting them, because I love helping other moms know that their lives are not that different than mine. I like being real so that there is at least one blog out there that you don't have to feel bad when you are done reading it, you can know you woke up looking better than i did :)

But I also hate it, because I put myself out there #yaknow? Its kinda scary, because I come across as not a perfect person. I share that I struggle with pregnancy related depression, I eat too much junk food while pregnant, I share many un-attractive photos. 

But in the end, I do it anyway because I love helping others ;)

Anyway

So, today. I woke up in the worst mood. 

I slept horrible last night. 

My hip problem has been feeling "better" over the past month and I have been loving it. I don't have to be dropped off at the door for everything. I can actually take Eli to a park and walk around behind him. I can walk the halls of church without wanting to cry.

But yesterday, the tides changed.

As I went to bed, getting into bed hurt sooooo bad. Then every time i had to roll over to get out of bed I felt like i wanted to die. Like worse pain than ever before. Then i couldn't go back to sleep because of the pain, and I'd have to get up again to go to the bathroom. I think I made record amounts of trips last night, with the worst pain every time. I am surprised I didn't cry, or at least wake nate to help me out of bed each time 

I think I am going to sleep in my mom lazy chair tonight.

#yesthelazyboynategotforgraduation #iconvincedhimtogetitforme #specificallyforpregnancy #andlatenightnursingsessions

#whatanicehusband

it looks so comfy, right?

this way I wont have to sit up. it is electric, so ill just have it sit me up

#lazyorgenius?

Anyway. So besides having a freak out moment that I was paralyzed when I woke up this morning because I couldnt walk for 10 mins, the rest of my day consisted of:

#warning

#momlifecomingup

having a crying child open the shower curtain a million times because he didn't like his favorite toy now that mom was in the shower

have the pediatrician's office tell me that Eli is behind on 4 shots because our last pediatrician didn't keep records right

#lotsofcrying

not being able to walk around my house

wash all my newborn stuff (like clothes, burp cloths, blankets, nursing tanks, etc)

almost suffocate because the dryer has a problem that the maintenance doesnt think is a problem 

(you are supposed to be seeing the complete fog on the windows and the drips coming from the top)

BUT

I got a lot done!

on the left is my new consolidated "do before baby comes or you will go crazy" to-do list 

on the right is the pages of lists I have been living from trying frantically to get things done in the 2 hours I have energy to do things each day while eli sleeps :)

I used to be a list person.

it ran and ruined my life

I gave up on them 2 years ago, but my pregnancy brain this time has made me resort to writing them again otherwise I am lost on what I should do besides eat and change Eli's diapers

so I am excited that my list is so much shorter :)

#onlyonemonthleft

Anyway

Besides all the #momlife stuff I just shared

I actually got all my newborn stuff washed and put away and packed my hospital bag and resolved things with my insurance today :)

#sidenote
you guys, look at what socks I found in the big bag of socks my mom gave me that I never went through with Eli
#overwhelmedmuch

but look at them, they are for baby's with kankles!

I couldn't stop laughing! why are the tops bigger than the bottom?
#sorryifyouhaveakanklechild #illsendthemtoyou

anyway

hooray for me getting all that done, right?

so it was that kind of day

hopefully tomorrow goes better

#hopefullyicanwalk #hopefullyiwillgooutstide

#iwillalwayssmilethough

Good luck with your day!

don't follow my example and live by to-do lists

life is about the people you love

#butsometimesthingsgottagetdone

what just happened??

You know when you have one of those days and you're like...um....what just happened here?

ya

today was like that

So I woke up and put this shirt on...one I wear about every other day. Its a L T-shirt...you know, perfect for pregnancy lounging. And low and behold...it doesnt fit.

um...this shirt fit 2 days ago, what happened? well, its probably the baby growing, right?

haha, or maybe the fact that I've gained 10 lbs in the last few weeks. That's probably it. 

<<I should probably harness my milk shake cravings!>>

Anyway, then, knowing that I have a dentist appt to make it to at 10:30, and I have to drop Eli off at the babysitters at 10, meaning I have to leave here at 9:45,....I still decide I want to go to the gym and work out. 

You know, because all pregnant women, who feel like a whale, and waddle like a duck, and can't put their workout shoes on, just love to workout. So, I head out to workout at 9.

I do my wonderful stationary bike 30 min workout...but since it takes me 3x as long to walk to and from the gym as a normal person, I get back at 9:45. All sweaty, no make-up, and diaper bag not ready.

Oh ya, I realize that I had just hit a button on my phone for a "system update." As I walk home I realize that it flashed something about taking 15 mins to update....wait. I don't know how to get to my friend's house without my phone! Seriously, no guessing here. So after I change clothes, wrangle my sweaty hair, wrangle eli from climbing on the counter and eating my retainers, put on make-up, accidentally get mascara on my eyelids, wrangle eli again for sticking his hands in the toilet...I realize that I have to print directions to her house and its already 9:55

I then realize that Eli has turned off the printer. So I turn it on....another system cleaning, this always takes for. ev. er.!!!   So, now its 10 and I'm waiting for the printer to clean the print heads and Eli is trying to unplug the printer. 

as I waddle around trying to catch him...I check my phone and...hooray, the system update is done. And I finally can get in my car and go to the babysitters....

wow! that was stressful. Why do things like that have to happen?

I feel like I have this mom thing under control most times, and I am rarely late because I prepare ahead of time and leave with lots of time to spare for Eli to stop and tell me about the rocks 5 times, and then stop and eat cheerios off the car floor before we can buckle him in. #hesseriouslyissocutethough

But today...i was a mess

and now my phone is all updated and all my settings are off, and I can't remember how to change them, like it showing me who texted me or how to turn off the dinging sounds....lol
#technologicallychallengedmuch #onlywhenpregnant #brainfog

good news. after i made it to the dentist appt, they cleaned my teeth and I wait for like 20 mins for the dentist to come in. You know, I walked past all the empty chairs, so I know no one else is in the office...but whatever. Doctors do what they want because they went to school for a long time. She blows air on my teeth and looks in with a light for 15 seconds and...

#ohyeahbacktothegoodnews

...declares me cavity free!

um....k. I have never had a dentist do that. Usually they have to poke your teeth and such...but whatever. If you don't want money from my insurance for fake cavities, I'm fine with that.

Then she left without me being able to ask her if its better to brush Eli's teeth every few days at night, or every morning (because, he basically hates it. Anyone who knows Eli knows that he is the happiest little boy....he is, except when i brush his teeth, haha. And I always forget at night...so I wanted her opinion, but I guess she had "other patients" to do a 15 second check up on. )

Anyway, enough of that stuff....

I am super excited to not be pregnant anymore. My friend posted about being able to bend down to put her clothes on, now that she's had her baby. It might have made me cry thinking about how hard it is for me to even turn over in bed, but alone put pants on. But our sweet little one is almost here. #bepositive #bepositive #bepositive

But I will miss all the awkward conversations I get to have because of being prego.

Just a few weeks ago, people have started to outwardly guess that I am pregnant. You know, just bring it up without asking, but it is still sooooo funny!

The hygenist today said "so...um...anything new since we last saw you?"

I almost responded "nope, except that i've gained 30 lbs in just my belly area....I know you're in the  teeth business, but you know of any good diets for big bellies??"

haha, but I didn't 

or I hear things like "whoa, you've got that little one and are ready to have another?"

"no ma'am, I'm not ready. Do you know how to prolong pregnancy for a few more months until I am ready?"

or how about this one:

"you're already 7.5 months pregnant? that went by fast!"

"I know, it was like I fell asleep and then bam. I woke up two seconds later and had to use the bathroom, and that has happened all....night....every...night...for the last 7 months. Yeah, time sure flies when you can't sleep at night!"

Ok, I should stop this sarcastic post. 

#sorry #sarcasmisforsillypeople #ilearneditinmyyouth #badhabit

well...I am off to do motherly pregnancy things. Like wash, fold, and organize all my newborn things

#iveputitofflongenough

#newbornsneedsomuchstuff

#getreadyforbabynumbertwo

have a great day!

full of excitement

#wellnottoomuchexcitement

#imeanthewrongtypeofexcitement

#justhaveagoodday!

secret get-aways

{Oh my gosh Jessica, where have you been? I have been following your blog, and then one day you just became MIA!?!?!?!?!}

Oh, hi! Well, long story short. I was going through a mini life crisis and I just needed some time to work things out. 

but here's some things I've learned:

dont compare.  life isn't always fair. #rhymingmuch 

try to do good things for others even when you get slapped and fall on your face
following the commandments of God is always better than "feeling good"

when life gives you lemons....like multiple days in a row...and the lemonade only comes in small bits, its still ok, the Lord knows what He is doing. 

being grateful is easy when the "trial" is over, but its super hard in the middle of it, but it still yields the same results...a new perspective, greater happiness, moving closer to the Lord, so we must all use our mind muscles to be grateful even when things are hard.

{Wow, you sure did learn a lot. What in the world happened?}

Um....don't worry about it. I wouldnt want to bore you, nate heard about it, the Lord heard about it, and now we're on to happier things.

{Ok, so what have you been doing these past few weeks?}

Well...after I got unsick, I started preparing for a most wonderful weekend!

{No way, like a secret get-away?}

YES! Nate is amazing, and planned a "baby moon" for us. He set everything up. Like, his brother, sister-in-law and other sister drove out 8 hours to babysit for us while we went to a secret get-away in the mountains. I didn't find out where we were going until we left! #natelovessurprisingme

{Wow, nate is amazing, and your trip sounds awesome! Did you have like the most amazing views?}

well...um....nate did a great job of planning, but little did we know that it would rain and snow the whole time. 

But whatevah!  we had a great time relaxing and just being together! It was nice to have a break from mom life for 48 hours, and not have a time schedule or anything. Like, we just played games together (I might or might not have won almost all of them, but hey...nate has been winning almost every game we've play for our married lives, so I deserve a break too right? #amazinghusbandproblems)

#stillinlove

Then we went up into Rocky Mountain National Park and saw like a million elk right out our window!

seriously, I've never seen so many elk at once!

Then we saw a fun little play #weareplayjunkies

And the last morning we sat in a quiet cafe playing dominion next to a beautiful river. It was picturesque

{Sounds so fun! Did you miss Eli so much? Have you ever been away that long?}

I did miss him. But I did all i could not to think about him so I wouldnt miss him too much. I am a very attached mom, and I like wrote out this 3 page instruction thing to give to my in-laws of how to take care of Eli #crazymommoment   i realized later that I was just worried that he wouldnt be happy...but he was. He is like the sweetest boy ever.

{So, I know you've done other things too! How was mother's day?}

Awesome. I got this amazing flower bouquet that will never die #elimadeit
and nate prepared for months for an amazing mountain get-away

I talked to my brother on his mission via google chat

Did you know he's coming home a week before my due date??? craziness!!!

also skyped with my in-laws

made blonde brownies #inhonorofmygrandmaonmothersday

{WHOA! You, Jessica, made treats?? I thought you were all into healthiness}

Well, preg-jess has crazy crazy cravings. You know, like can't handle them cravings, and I recently can actually eat amazing things like cookie dough, cupcakes, and blonde brownies. So i caved in and bough white flour. I added it up and havent bought white flour in 10 years!!! Yep...and so now I've made something like every other day. So I might get rid of the flour and sugar and stick to going to a bakery to buy one muffin instead of being at home and making 20 and eating them all.

{I bet your life is getting so exciting now! you are how far along?}

Well, who's counting? but I am basically 34 weeks...which means if this baby comes when Eli did (9 days early), he'll be here in 5 weeks!!!! #yay #eeeek #both??

{Are you dying of excitement??}

YES!!!!! i can't wait to meet him. I am basically ready for him to come!

{other fun and exciting things, i'm sure...}

Check out what my waddling has brought me to! #awesomeforpregosmuch

and chasing eli is getting harder

but he is getting much cuter! and is now eating with a spoon! hooray, that doubles the foods I can give him!!! #momexcitements

but i still workout daily #smilenotsmile #herestobeingreal #whoknowswhyimadethatface

and i have this awesome new stroller to be so excited for

(to answer questions i know you are asking. yes, this is a City Select Double Stroller. Yes, it has a car seat attachment, yes we have another seat that attaches so it can seat two kids "stadium seating". Yes, I use it as a single stroller right now. Yes, it is smaller and more compact than my other single strollers. Yes, it is the best stroller in the world. Yes, I did get it for a screaming deal! Everything we got was worth $880 and we got it for $350. Yes, it is worth every penny!! Yes, it will last through the millennium and I wont have to buy another stroller ever! #itsoktobejealous #itsthatamazing #noididnotwastemymoney)
check out the crazy awesome configurations here

{Wow, that was a million pictures....but it sounds like its a wonderful life #oldtimemoviesmuch}

Yes it is. And as I said earlier, I am learning to be grateful!

I am excited for the next 5 weeks, and more excited to bring another sweet spirit into our family.

{Wait, don't you have a ton of blogging to catch up on? like the Part III to overcoming celiac disease, and I hear you are going to do a natural child birth...do you want to die of pain? Also, you've been in CO a year now! and I know you are this crazy researcher about basically everything, are you going to give us an update on your newest findings??}

whoa, whoa. Hold on. yes, I do have lots of blogging to do, but i also have a life to catch up on...with unpacking and such, i have a loooooooot to do....but stay tuned for all of those future blogs!

Overcoming Celiac Disease Part II

Here is a continuation of my story of going gluten free, and then going "un-gluten free"
If you missed Part I you can read it here


To update you on the timeline of the story. I went gluten free March 2012. I met Nate in April and married him in July 2012. I had the endoscopy to confirm Celiac Disease in October, and the last bit of Part I was in February 2013. 

Anyway, so around that time is when I went in for a colonoscopy to see if I had Chron's disease because despite eating gluten free I was still very sick, but they never went through with it because they had me take a pregnancy test right before they put me out, and since it came back positive then i couldnt have it done. 

(#sidenote if you have ever done colonoscopy prep it is basically the worst prep for any medical procedure, believe me, I know. I have been to the dr sooooo many times over the past 9 years. I had passed out right before and was nauseated from the prep and they asked if I could be pregnant, since i didnt know we took the test and lo and behold, I was.....funniest and craziest way to find out...ever! I recommend anyone who could be pregnant and is going to do a colonoscopy to take a pregnancy test before you do the prep! #ifihadonlyknown)

The next 9 months were not fun (nate said I should be more positive, so lets say that again...the next 9 months were blissful because being pregnant is an amazing miracle, but I was so sick already and then add intense all day all night "morning sickness" for the whole pregnancy...it was a trial to say the least :)    ---you can view that story here) 

 So throughout this whole time, we would try random things like cutting out milk, or soy, or corn. Nothing seemed to help. Then I had eli and my life went all up in a flurry and we had no time to think about my stomach, I had a baby to keep alive!

After he was 5 months old, someone referred both nate and I (at different times) to a NAET specialist. They both had said that they knew someone that had celiac disease that this chiropractor/NAET practitioner was able to rid them of it. It was cheap and he was an LDS bishop so we decided to give it a try. I went in with high hopes that he would be able to heal me in a few appointments like he had the other people. (So there is hope for that for others, ...but little did I know that my case was much more complicated than that of the people's who referred us so it took much longer.)
 but I am ever grateful because it put me on the right path. 

We started going right away. The first appointment he tested me for things I was "rejecting." This is where the story gets interesting, because homeopathic medicine is not what we are used to here in the states!

NAET works with your energy. 

This NAET program, the doctor is trained in being able to read if your body accepts of rejects "energies" (in normal terms that means you are "allergic" or "intolerant" or it makes you sick).  They have small viles of water that have the "energy" of different things like wheat, milk, sugar, lectins, gluten, corn germ, etc (basically everything). You hold the energy in your hand as you lay down and put your other arm straight up in the air. If your body "accepts" the energy your arm keeps its strength, if your body "rejects" the energy or "has an allergy" to the substance, then your arm loses strength and they can push it down towards the table. It sounds weird, but it is very true. (Nate came with me to some appointments and he said it was weird but it really works!) I have been to different NAET drs sooooooooo many times and I try to keep my arm so strong all the time and whenever they did wheat or anything else that made me sick, my arm became so weak. But it would stay strong when they would do a placebo or something that my body wasn't rejecting. So I am a firm believer that this "energy" medicine works. 

Anyway, so what they do, is once they decide what thing your body is rejecting, they are trained to push on certain pressure points on your back to tell your body to start "accepting" the energy (or in plain terms, if its a food, that it will stop making you sick.) Then you completely stay away from the food for 24 hours and after 24 hours I miraculously could start eating the food  again without being sick. (well, some of them took a few times to overcome it, and wheat was the most stubborn)

It sounds crazy but it really helped me. I had allergies to like 40-60 things. Basically everything that you can think of besides white rice, organic eggs, and organic chicken (no spices, salt, oil, nothing else!) was making me sick!! We realized that I had allergies to all sugars, corn, veggies, fruits, nuts, food additives, colorings, etc, etc, etc.  Seriously, my list went on forever. And the Dr I was seeing was not as advanced as some other NAET practitioners, so he could only help with one thing at a time. So I went a lot! He did help me overcome things like sugar and corn and soy. So from seeing him I was a little less sick!

Despite him trying to help my body accept wheat about 10-15 different times, it just wouldn't.

#sidenote

I love NAET. I trust it, and would refer anyone to it! Most of their patients are seen for seasonal allergies, babies that have colic/reflux or have food allergies, autistic kids, infertility, headaches/migraines, food intolerances/IBS (here is a longer list of what they treat). Seriously, it has helped so many people, and if you are having a problem and normal doctors can't figure it out...go to a NAET specialist! Its just that for some reason, he couldn't help me with my complicated problem.

We moved to Denver for Nate's new job and I found another NAET practitioner that was more advanced. (you can go here to find a practitioner in your area, they are all over the place. At the bottom of the page, under "specialties" you can find someone who has been certified in more specific problems. Once the list pulls up of practitioners, then you can see all of their certifications and those who are more advanced obviously have more certifications and more training, but consequently also more expensive. Its your choice of who to go to, Basically Trained Practitioners still help people overcome allergies every day. They are usually cheaper per appointment. So its really up to you)

Anyway, so I went to an acupuncturist here in Denver that was certified for IBS

Ok, so this acupuncturist was so much more advanced. She could try and help with up to 10 or 15 things at a time, but for some reason that stubborn wheat wouldn't go away, and it was holding me back from accepting other foods. It was so frustrating. I remember her doing an acupuncture treatment on me after the NAET treatment (because she was nice and said it was all under one session fee.) So i was sitting in the room with needles all in me, and she is in the hall consoling Eli (about 7 months old) and I am in there crying. Have you ever tried not to move your face or body while crying? its pretty hard. Anyway, I was crying because i was so sad wondering if anyone or anything would be able to rid me of this disease that was consuming my life.

Anyway. So one day I had this idea to look up a Body Talk Practitioner. Long story short, Eli had torticollis   when he was a newborn and the specialist that I took him to to help fix his neck also did Body Talk, so she told me more about it back then and for some reason it came back to me around August 2014. So I found a practitioner (they are also all over the place, to find a practitioner you can go here or just google "Body Talk {insert your area name})

Anyway. I showed up, I told her my symptoms and she said she had helped countless numbers of people with my problems before. She said most people take a few sessions to be "healed" but lets start. She just talks to my body (to learn more about it from them, you can go here). A lot of practitioners will use your wrist as a "yes/no" answering system, but she was very advanced. She just put her hand on my abdomen and would intermittently tell me what my body was saying to her like:

"You had an exerperience when you were 11 and it really made you feel out of control. Your body has been holding on to that energy in your colon and it makes you sick."

She said the same types of things with my small intestine and stomach. Not all were related to a single event, but it had a lot to do with negative thinking, emotions, and energy.

I know...weird right? I thought so too...but just wait!

(i could say "to be continued" here, for dramatic writing effect...haha, but I won't. Some of you have had all the suspense you need.)

So, after about an hour. She said it was miraculous. She went deeper with a first time patient than she almost ever had. She said that to get to the real problem, you have to go deeper and deeper, and your body usually only allows so much in one session, but my body was ready to be healed, and that she went deep enough in this first session. She said that I didn't need to come back unless I wanted to, and that I should be fine.

um....k. Do you know how long I've been sick? I pay you 100 bucks, you put your hand on my stomach for an hour and you say I'm fine?

So I went home. I was scared. I didn't start eating gluten because I had already been faked out so many times in the past. So I waited. I went on a trip to help my sister in law with her newborn, and one of the meals we had, I accidentally had some gluten and I didn't get sick. So when I got home, I tried a little more, and a little more. Miraculously...I wasn't sick! I felt better eating gluten than I even did eating gluten free! It was a miracle.

Miracle. Miracle. Miracle.

From then on I have eaten normal foods.

I sit here now 8 months later telling you it was nothing less than a miracle! I know. You might be sick too. You might have a loved one that is really sick. I know. Its hard. I know it might sound unfathomable to think that you or they could be healed. I know it might be hard to think that you could have the same thing happen to you. It might sound like you are just like me and "really complicated."

BUT it might not be! You might be able to be fixed in just a few NAET appointments or it might take 10. It might take switching practitioners. It might take going to a Body Talk specialist one or four times. I don't know. But I know that for me, it was worth every bit of money. Every bit of effort.

I know.  

There are a lot of holes in my story.

You have a ton of questions.

What would I recommend that you do?

Do I think it'll come back?

Why didn't I tell you sooner? 

Over the past 8 months, when I have told this story to individuals wondering why I am eating normal foods, I have had so many of the same questions. So in Part III, I am going to do a question and answer post. So, post your questions below, email them to me (jessica.hawkes21@gmail.com), PM on FB. Whatever.

until next time!

stalking pregnant women

so...hi. I'll just be over here hiding in my apartment 

I have a herd of gluten free frenzied friends #allerterationisawesome who are out to get me until I finish my story of going un-gluten free.

I'm writing it...i promise. it'll be here soon :)

but until then...lets party...prego style.

haha

jk

I just kinda wish I could have a secret stalker that I would later kidnap and kife their video footage of me , just so I wouldn't have to pay someone to video me.

Well, not that I am so funny to video, but, seriously, pregnant women are crazy.

#sorrywithsomuchpregnancytalk #itsjustthatithinkaboutitalot #youknow? #thisbellystalksme

I was told the other day that I walk funny....

so with that said, I am apparently funny to watch, or at least funny watching walk or is it watching funny walk...whatever

Um....how about last sunday. I am sitting there on the couch. Eli was just put down. Nate usually takes a nap on sundays and I do all I can to stay awake (aka, eat or bake then eat) #dontfollowthatexample #hopefullythathabitwillbeoverwith...in2months

Anyway, Nate asked if I was ok, and realized i was crying. 

Here is our convo:

"I am sorry, I don't know why I am crying."

"Its ok. You're pregnant."

"No, for real. I don't know why I am crying. I am not sad, or mad. I don't want to cry. The tears are just streaming down my face and I don't want them to. "

"Its ok."

 "Just tell me about what you learned in sunday school/preisthood" (#sidenote, since I am in the primary presidency, I miss all that stuff so I like to get updated to radar if there is any crazy doctrine being taught in our ward...haha jk. I just like to)

So nate started telling me

then I start sobbing

"I am sooooooo sorry. Really, I don't know why I am crying."

"Jessica, its ok. I don't want to sweat, but I still do. So, your crying is like me sweating. You still love me even though I sweat, and I still love you when you cry, even though both are uncontrollable. But, you at least you smell much better than i do :)"

haha, isnt that so nice??

well, the part about me uncontrollably crying isnt. I dont know why i do that but, isnt nate so cute?

seriously, I don't know who its harder to be. The pregnant lady or the husband of the pregnant lady....

how about this one. 

last weekend I went to workout at our gym while nate watched eli. #nicetobealone

i might or might not have driven  to the gym. It might or might not be like right around the corner. So, my workouts at the gym these days consist of me sitting there, just moving my legs on a reclined bike. I still burn calories, and it really helps with depression, but I still think its funny. Its not even hard...but...um...I also, might or might not have had to stop like 4 or 5 times. and I might or might not have been gone for almost an hour, but i watched tv for most of that time...I mean, might or might not have watched tv. 

my two favorite things these days are my maternity pants and my new/old non-maternity/maternity undershirt. I wear them like every day!! Seriously. I mean, my pants dont even have to be unbuttoned to go to the bathroom...and being large with child, I have to go like all the time. But sometimes its so annoying I just dont...but not with these pants!! 

And my undershirt is a new addition to my maternity wardrobe! I am super excited. well, here's the back story:

We decided back in november that it was ok for me to get a smart phone if I didn't buy any clothes until after the baby was born. So I have been living out of my old maternity wardrobe that i spent a total of $2 on last time. Good thing I had people give me stuff otherwise I wouldnt have had maternity pants at all. Since i bought two shirts at a yardsale, and just wear my normal clothes for my whole pregnancy. But it gets annoying, because the bigger I get, the less clothes I have to wear. Anyway, so I found this wonder tee undershirt that was super long but long sleeved, so I cut off the sleeves and its the perfect undershirt to cover up my lower belly #nodraftshere

woohoo! so if you see me wearing the same clothes everyday...dont worry. Its all to save money and for the love my smart phone!

Also, sleeping is the funniest thing with pregnant women! seriously. we use so many pillows! right now, my thing is that I have to use a neck pillow to sleep...but not how you usually use it.

Like, we are commanded by the OB Nazi's to not sleep on our back. So side it is. But my ears hurt to sleep on my side #onlywhenimpregnant like really really hurt. wake up yelling it hurts. But only on the side i am sleeping. its weird I know. anyway, so i decided to try not having pressure on my ear, and it works! So, now i sleep with my ear in the neck hole of my neck pillow.

and a pillow under that

and a pillow between my knees to align the hips right

and a pillow behind my back sometimes to stabilize

I will soon graduate to a pillow under my belly.

Seriously, I can't wait to have this baby so I can finally sleep

#saidnosecondmomever 

#weallknowyoudontsleepwithanewborn


Well, I am off to get Eli some food. He is so cute these days!

(doesnt he kinda look like an Abercrombie kid? Or a mini engineer haha
I take no credit for the cute clothes, my friend just gave them to me :)


He can say a lot of foods now...well, i can translate what he is saying. It takes him so much energy to say "orange" that he deserves one. Like right now! 

so, see ya!
#momlife
#ilovebeingamom