Life is wonderful.
Life is also very hard.
We all go through good and bad days.
Its hardest when the bad days are more frequent than the good days.
Or good days seem to never come.
This is how it feels with depression.
I have never been one to admit things such as this throughout my life, because I always wanted to seem "perfect" and like things were going really well, like I had life figured out. I thought {don't judge} that only weak people had depression. That if they just tried a little harder to be happy, then they wouldn't be depressed. or that it was brought on by some sin.
One day, my whole perspective changed. Elder Holland gave this talk in General Conference for the LDS church about depression and expressed how real it is. How normal happy, righteous people can get depressed and it doesnt mean they are sinful or bad people. It happens to the best of us.
My whole perspective changed. Its funny to think back to that time, because I was depressed at that point, but didn't know it. haha, good thing nate and I talked about it and came to the conclusion that depression is not a scary or sinful thing, that it is something to be faced. It is something to acknowledge and deal with.
When I had my sweet baby, I remember everyone asking me how I was feeling. It was like..."um...good?" Postpartum depression (PPD) is something so weird, and as a new mom I was just waiting to see if it would hit me or not. I remember telling people "well, I feel way better than when I was pregnant." That's when I realized I had been depressed my whole pregnancy. It wasn't just that I was at home sick all the time that made me feel so lowsy, it was a real chemical (or might I say hormonal) thing, it was not just in my mind.
So since I felt so good not being pregnant, how could I possibly have PPD? Once again, not until I was out of it did I realize that I had PPD. It took a lot of extreme anxiety and insomnia to get me through his first 5-6 months of his life. I just thought mommy life was hard and overwhelming, but I know now that once again, I had a chemical (or hormonal) change that caused a type of depression. This one was much more difficult to realize since my symptoms didn't come in the same way as most people describe "depression." So, judge or don't judge, but I had it, and never want to go through that again.
Those experiences were hard. I don't wish to relive them. Its hard to tell them, but I know that someone else out there is going to learn from my experience, and maybe, just maybe, be able to help themselves more than I did, and avoid going through that pain by what I am saying today.
That is why I talk about it so openly.
That is why I am writing.
Ok, so what are we to do?
Just sit around and say, if I am pregnant or have PPD I am bound to be depressed?
If I have seasonal depression (SAD), when its snowing, I will just sit around and be sad?
Mom life is hard, and I am going to eat my way through it since I don't have family around or good friends.
NO!
{important note}
Also, not just "clinically depressed" people can benefit from this. i feel like just by being a stay at home mom and not having a lot of adult interaction can cause sadness that these things can alleviate!
There are so many natural ways to fight depression/sadness/loneliness!
One super hard thing about depression or deep sadness is that its like a downward cyclone.
You feel depressed
so you don't feel motivated to do things that will help you
so you feel more depressed
you do more things that are bad for you (cookie dough anyone?)
and dont do things that help you
and this causes you to be more depressed.
So, if you are reading this, and know you need help. You have to start trying things. You have to make a plan with someone who can support and keep you motivated. It will start an upward motion to your feelings and that will help you reverse the bad cyclone of depression! Before I got pregnant again, I made a plan with my husband. And through the past 8 months, its been hard exercising daily, reading my scriptures, getting to social activities, just going outside daily...BUT the plan has helped sooooo much!!!
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So....here are some things i've found that have changed everything
Once upon a time about 2 years ago, I heard a leader describe 5 things you must do to stay out of the hole of depression, and I am soooo glad that I remembered them! They've saved my bacon so many times!
1)get out of bed/make your bed=committing you are not going back to bed
2)read your scriptures (even if you have to have scriptures by your toilet and read one verse, do it!)
3) open your blinds
4) get outside once a day at least
5)laugh at least once a day
I would add:
6) exercise (natures natural "high")
7) eat healthy (sugar and white flour only make things worse)
8) Try to talk with someone else once a day face to face (besides your spouse)...find a friend you can stop by/call when you need social interaction
9) serve
Ok, so these might sound easy. And sound kinda pathetic. I mean, only laugh once a day or go outside for a few minutes??? Let me tell you. I struggled so hard my first pregnancy to do all of these every day. I can't logically explain why i couldnt open my blinds, but it just didn't happen. And getting outside for 5 mins a day was such a struggle.
So, this is real!
Anyway.
Some people really do need medications. And thats ok.
I am here to say that we should be trying all we can to alleviate it naturally first, or during.
If I find out anyone is depressed, first! first! first! thing I would say is to exercise 30 mins a day. Get your heart rate up! It is the natural "anti depressant" Heavently Father has given us. I can't tell you how many studies show that exercise works just as well or better than a lot of depression medicine! Plus, it makes you look better too!
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here are some other things I have found very helpful:
Vitamin D!
Some people just don't absorb it like others do, and so you either need more time in the sun or take supplements.
Taking doTERRA vitamins changed everything for me!!!! Like tremendous, miraculous change!
You can find out more about those here: http://www.mydoterra.com/
or email me at jessica.hawkes21@gmail.com for any questions
There are also a lot of doTERRA oils that really help. My daily go-to to help with my mood/energy/motivation is a doTERRA blend called Citrus Bliss!
postpartum help:
Postpartum Progress is a wonderful website with many many tools!
You can also do Placenta Encapsulation, sounds strange but it helps so many people!
hire a nanny to come a few hours a day to help with children or house chores
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here are some other things that I have found to help.
Finding spiritual quotes and posting them around the house will bring the motivation and "pick me up" that you need ;)
Here are a few:
"Happiness does not spring from perfection but from applying divine principles, even in small steps."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2012 General Conference
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ok, here is an awesome one. This is an article found on the church website, but the research sited in here is all done by non-religious researchers.
Here is the article. I recommend everyone reading it. It is just so amazing! After reading it, I applied a lot of the principles like adding music back into my life and "trying to be happy." It made a big difference!
And the following is the list of things they say that research has found to make some people happier than others:
1. Happy people surround themselves with other happy people. Joy is contagious. People are four times more likely to be happy in the future with happy people around them.
2. Happy people try to be happy. When happy people don’t feel happy, they cultivate a happy thought and smile about it.
3. Happy people spend money more on others than they spend on themselves. Givers experience what scientists call the “helper’s high.”
4. Happy people have deep in-person conversations. Sitting down to talk about what makes a person tick is a good practice for feeling good about life.
5. Happy people use laughter as a medicine. A good old-fashioned chuckle releases lots of good neurotransmitters. A study showed that children on average laugh 300 times a day versus adults who laugh 15 times a day.
6. Happy people use the power of music. Researchers found that music can match the anxiety-reducing effects of massage therapy.
7. Happy people exercise and eat a healthful diet. Eating a poor diet can contribute to depression.
8. Happy people take the time to unplug and go outside. Uninterrupted screen time brings on depression and anxiety.
9. Happy people get enough sleep. When people run low on sleep, they are prone to feel a lack of clarity, bad moods, and poor judgment.
10. Happy people are spiritual.
I hope you feel better! I hope that you can understand others who are struggling better!
I hope that the sun comes out daily in your life, but if it doesn't that these things can help make at least some stars come out!
We are all in this together.
Struggling is not a sign of weakness or sin.
But giving up is not an option!
#herestobetterdaysahead
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